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  • Writer's pictureAllison Jayne

Do You Turn Off Men Accidentally? Might Be Cinderella Syndrome

Ahh, hard to believe but here we are, the second week of December already. The festive spirit is in the air… but let's ditch the sugar-coated tales for a moment. As the year winds down, it's time to peel back the layers of fairytales and explore the gritty reality of dating. Join me as I dissect the aftermath of Cinderella's influence on us all and how, in the midst of holiday loneliness, you can empower yourself to write the love story you deserve, one chapter at a time.

Once upon a time, in the cozy glow of a VHS-laden basement, a young girl dreamt of glass slippers and fairytale romances. Little did she know that the enchanting narratives she consumed were subtly shaping her beliefs about love and relationships. 

Cinderella, with her magical transformation and Prince Charming rescuing her, seemed like the epitome of a dream come true. But as our protagonist grew older, she began to question the messages embedded in this fairytale. Was it healthy for women to throw themselves at a man, desperately vying for his attention?

The Subconscious Damage

As our heroine entered the realm of dating in her teen years, she found herself playing the stepsisters' game – doing everything in her power to be chosen. The problem with this approach? It often resulted in soul-crushing experiences of rejection. She did not know what she was doing wrong. The realization had not yet dawned: the subconscious mind had been programmed to believe that her role was to be selected, not to do the selecting.

The dating game took its toll on our protagonist. She found herself adopting roles – from the "cool chick" who didn't get upset about anything and acted as though she didn’t care what a guy did, to the overly accommodating, super nice girl who would bend over backward for her man. Unbeknownst to her, these behaviors were turning off potential partners rather than attracting them.

Here lies the crux of the issue – turning oneself into a pretzel for a partner is a significant turn-off. Guys are put off by excessive availability or being cared for by a woman who displays a maternal energy reminiscent of their mothers. 

The majority of men, it turns out, are drawn to a woman they respect. They are turned on by a woman who is clear in what she wants and needs, and will maintain healthy boundaries with a man who isn’t honoring them. This kind of woman has knowing that if a man isn’t able to, she is willing to wait for one who will. She won’t compromise her values and her desires out of anxiety for losing this man. She has faith a better one will come along. 

Men, in turn, find this kind of woman, unique and therefore intriguing. The challenge of winning this woman’s affection is alluring. Not because she is playing a game. But because she isn’t. She is just being her authentic self. And authenticity is magically magnetic.

So what ever happened to our protagonist you may be wondering?

Well after introspection and personal growth, she was finally struck with the  realization: she needed to shift from being chosen to becoming the chooser. And with this new insight, she finally began attracting high-quality men!

And she wrote a book about her experience.

And now teaches other women how to do it… using EFT tapping…

That’s right, you already guessed it, our protagonist is me!

Empower Your Love Life

As you reflect on your relationships this holiday season, consider whether you've been the chooser or preoccupied with being chosen. Take an honest look at past behaviors – were your "kind supportive girlfriend" moves perhaps a bit too doormat-ish? It's time to break free from the Cinderella syndrome, kiss your own metaphorical self, and wake up from centuries of waiting to be chosen. 

This holiday season, gift yourself the empowerment to be the chooser in your love life. It's time to craft your own love story, one where you hold the power to shape your destiny. This festive season, let's trade in the fairy godmother for a healthy dose of self-empowerment. It worked for me, it can work for you too. As you adorn the tree and revel in the festive cheer, remember that the magic of relationships lies in mutual choice, respect, and empowerment. So, step into your power, embrace your authentic self, and write your own happily ever after - a story where love finds you, just as you are.

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