The difference a year makes
Updated: May 2
One year ago this month, I found myself feeling uneasy about turning 50. Granted I was still over a year and a half away from the mid-century mark and most of my friends had already cross over that milestone with seeming grace and ease, so I found myself a little judgmental of my own emotional discomfort with the looming number. I decided to bring it to a tapping session I was having with my mentor and coach. When I told him what was bothering me but that I couldn't put my finger on the reason for it, he said, “Okay let’s just start some tapping… even though I am feeling uneasy about turning 50 and I don’t know why, I love and accept myself anyway”.
As we tapped, the emotional gunk began to clear. Often when I am tapping, once the emotions die down, I have stray thoughts or images pop into my head that are seemingly unconnected to whatever we are working on. I used to be hesitant to voice these random seeming thoughts out loud but now I have had enough experiences to learn that if I follow the strange twisting trail of thought breadcrumbs, they always lead me to uncovering my biggest subconscious blocks.
So on this day, I did not hesitate to bring up the odd thought that had entered my mind,. “It has something to do with Paul Ryan.” I said. I am pretty sure that was about the last thing my mentor expected me to say at that moment but he too knows to trust in whatever is coming up. I went on to explain that Paul Ryan was a senior at Miami University when I was a freshman and when he ran for vice president in 2012, aside from thinking about how juxtaposed my politics were to his, I had another very powerful thought when I heard about it, one that struck me like a direct punch to my gut. The thought was, “oh my god, here is someone that I went to college with, my peer in my cohort, who is old enough to run for vice president… what have I done with my life so far... nothing!”
Now of course many could argue that I had, in fact, done a lot with my life up until then, however the point here is that for some reason, this was the thought that came up for me a decade later when tapping on my unease about turning 50. As we continued to unpack that through rounds of tapping, what I understood by the end of the session with crystal clarity was that my discomfort around entering the next decade of my life, had to do with the fact that there were things I felt I wanted to do in this world, things I wanted to create, accomplish and put out there, that I had yet to do. I became aware that, in particular, turning 50, symbolized entering into the second half of life for me and that I held an irrational fear that if I did not accomplish these things before I crossed over that mark, these dreams might somehow die inside me.
Once we had tapped away all the intense emotion I was feeling about this fear, he said to me, “so... what is it that you really want to do before you turn 50?” The answer came to me immediately and without hesitation, “I want to write a book” I said.
For most of my life, people have been telling me I should write a book. I am a passionate story teller. If I am honest with myself I tell stories to a somewhat irritating point, as I am sure my friends and family can attest. For some reason, I can’t just relay an incident simply but instead need to lay it all out with drama building and in great detail no matter really what I am talking about. I knew for a long time I wanted to write a book and I had two distinct ideas in my head for books. I had even gone as far as to think of a title for one of them and purchase the domain rights to the url for that title.
But I couldn’t seem to get myself to initiate the writing! During the pandemic I wrote out an outline of a book about learning to date like a goddess in midlife and I thought to myself back then- ‘well this is the perfect time to write a book as I have all this free time now not having to drive my kids around to their activities all day and night”. But somehow I still never managed to get it started...
Now here I was, two years later, sitting with my mentor and having the epiphany that I just simply had to write this book before my 50th birthday. It needed to happen for my own well being. After tapping away my resistance to getting started writing, I felt lighter and inspired to get to work. I figured I had a year and a half to write it and get it published so I could probably make that happen.
Then he said to me, “well if your heart feels called to do this, I know a publisher who will get you to write your book in 9 weeks”.
'NINE WEEKS!?!?!? What the actual?????' I thought to myself. That seemed ludicrous, completely crazy and undoable. So guess what? We tapped on my limiting beliefs that I could never write my book that quickly and within a week I had signed up with my publisher and started working on the book.
That was the end of April 2022. Now as I sit here at the end of April 2023, I am in total and complete awe of what I have accomplished and how much my life has completely transformed in JUST ONE YEAR! It is liberating as much as it is thrilling to reflect on.
One year ago I could scarcely imagine that I would have finished my book by now, much less have it published and out for over six months. I would have never believed someone if they told me I would have been on over 22 podcasts by this point in my book tour, created an entire online course based on the book and been helping so many women discover and clear their unconscious blocks to getting what they want in a relationship. And I FOR SURE wouldn’t have believed that I had accomplished a mini-mba type program and learned marketing, finance, IT management and entrepreneurship 101 to become the CEO of my own scalable business in less than a year. I didn’t think in those terms before and could not even imagine that I would. I could not have predicted that I would create around me a group of fellow like-mined entrepreneurial women who also want to change the world, and make it a better place through their businesses. And who want to do it by letting their intuition lead, following flow and fun to create, build and change peoples lives. People who really want to change their lives, clients who are just as excited in working with us as we are with them.
One year ago, I had no vision for the version of me sitting here now, writing this blog, on a Saturday - because I LOVE what I do so work no longer feels like work and doing it on a Saturday feels no different than any other day to me. I could not have imagined how enriched my life would feel with my book out there in the world, how fulfilling the experience of writing it was and how rewarding it has been to hear from complete strangers that my book has changed their lives!
If you are ever feeling stuck and like you aren’t getting where you want to go in life, try doing some tapping on it and see what you discover for yourself- you never know what door you may ended up opening for yourself. And if you are like me, you may have to continue to do a lot of tapping to clear the fears of what will happen when you walk through that door and every big step of the way after that… but I guess what I am saying is you can use your fears and blocks as a guide to making your dreams come true!
And when you get to look back over 12 months and realize your life has taken you on a journey beyond your wildest imagination, you will be filled with awe and gratitude just as I am today!
PS And I have not even turned 50 yet! ;)