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  • Writer's pictureAllison Jayne

Unlocking Flow: How EFT Tapping Can Clear Mental and Emotional Blocks to Date Better

Updated: Sep 23

Back in my childhood, a small creek nestled in the nearby woods was a cherished part of my life. The entrance to this secluded forest was at a cul-de-sac, marking the end of a steep street in my neighborhood. My routine usually involved crossing the street from my house, cutting through my neighbor's backyard, and picking up my friend Karen, whose property seamlessly connected to theirs. Together, we would embark on a trek down the hill that led us to the enchanting creek.

It's interesting how there are certain things I can still vividly recall from my childhood, almost as if I'm transported back to those moments. One such memory is of that creek. I can clearly see it in my mind's eye, as if I'm there right now, immersed in the scene. I remember the sunlight glinting off the smooth rocks, and how the water flowed gently over them. The colors of nature's mosaic come to life in my memory, with earthy browns, golden hues, and muted greens crisscrossing over each other as rocks, leaves, moss, and twigs intermingle. Our favorite pastime was helping the water flow freely, removing leaf blockages here and shifting rocks there. We were entranced by its flow, often wondering how far this stream extended and where it eventually went. Sometimes, our curiosity led us on adventures deep into the woods, only to return home when hunger, fatigue, or the approaching dusk reminded us of our parents waiting for dinner.

What stands out the most from those adventures is how gratifying it felt to remove those small blockages in the stream and then witness the water flow freely and naturally once more. We would trace the water downstream, searching for the next obstacle to clear, and each time we succeeded in restoring the flow, it filled us with joy. I recall feeling immense pleasure witnessing the stream flowing with ease again.

I realized when I sat down to write today what a perfect analogy that is for what EFT tapping helps me do for myself and my clients. I get to have the honor and the privilege of working with women to clear their blocks and create flow in their lives. I get to do that for myself too.

I believe that we, along with the divine, are conscious co-creators of our reality, destined to follow specific paths for our ultimate well-being, even when those paths aren't always immediately clear. Sometimes, life throws us challenges that may seem impossibly tough and can send us into an intense negative spiral. During these times, everything can appear gloomy, and our lives can feel downright miserable. Yet, there are other moments, when everything seems to be falling into place. Life feels like pure magic during these times, and we sense that everything is unfolding just as it should – it's when we experience total alignment, or what we call “flow."

Flow state is described as a mental state characterized by complete absorption in an activity. Flow state is often referred to as being "in the zone.” During this state, individuals experience deep concentration and focus, losing track of time and self-awareness. It's a moment of heightened performance where challenges and skills are perfectly matched, creating a seamless and enjoyable experience. Flow is associated with a sense of effortless control, a distortion of time perception, and an intrinsic motivation to pursue the task at hand. Achieving a flow state can lead to increased productivity, creativity, and overall satisfaction, making it a sought-after mental state for optimal performance in various fields, from sports and art, to work and hobbies and yes, even to love and relationships. And while no one maintains a flow state all the time, we can increase both the length and the frequency of our flow state experiences. There's lots of research out there on how meditation and mindfulness practices can increase this flow state, but the thing I think is often missing from the discussion is what gets in our way of meditating or being mindful in the first place.

It's the same thing that got in the way of my childhood stream—blockages. But the blockages keeping us from flow and ease in our current lives are mental and emotional ones. Typically ones that have been rattling around in our being for quite some time. The biggest ones tend to have been there since childhood. These blockages may have even grown over time as new debris gets piled up on top of the original gunk.

The first one, mental blockages, typically come in the form of limiting beliefs. Thoughts that you have that something "can't happen," "won't happen," "never happens," or “won't happen for you” are very common limiting beliefs. Perhaps you have grown up with hearing these from your family or you have been inundated with them via societal or cultural influences. What happens, unfortunately, as a result of all this bombardment is we come to believe them as facts. But they are not facts, they are just beliefs. And beliefs can change.

The next big obstruction to flow are emotional blockages. These are ego wounds that we have experienced throughout our lives which cause us to feel triggered in the present day. You can usually identify these by noticing when you seem to be having an intense emotional reaction that feels out of proportion to the current situation.

To discover and recognize both mental and emotional blocks, it's essential to step outside of yourself and adopt a metacognitive perspective to observe your thoughts and feelings. This can be a bit tricky because we often feel deeply connected to our thoughts, as if they are an integral part of us. Similarly, we might feel powerless in the face of our emotions, as if we're passengers on a continuous roller coaster of feelings, never quite sure when a steep drop or twisty turn will arrive. Nevertheless, with practice, you can develop the skill of being an observer of your inner world, gradually gaining a clearer view of these mental and emotional obstacles.

When Karen and I would clear that stream as kids, we wouldn't do it in a busy and noisy way. We would squat down by the rocks and get quiet and observe where the water seemed stuck or stagnant. Sometimes the blockages were really obvious but other times, we needed to observe for awhile before we began the clearing to know the best way to create ease for the water.

This is how it goes with EFT tapping. You begin by just noticing your thoughts and observing your emotional reactions. I say to my clients- it often feels like you are just beginning to wedge a crowbar between your thoughts/feelings and you. Even if you only get the tiniest crack of opening in there, that's enough to begin an invaluable cascade of understanding that will ultimately lead you to freedom. Once you pry that little wedge in there, you identify what is a block, separate from what is you, and then you have a tapping target- a belief or emotion, to tap on for neutralizing and clearing.

As you continue to clear, you'll notice a growing sense of flow and ease permeating your life. It becomes increasingly apparent that the thoughts swirling in your mind were never solid facts but rather beliefs you held. You start to grasp that you possess greater control over your emotions. You're not a helpless victim swept away by overwhelming feelings; instead, you learn to detach yourself from your emotions and train yourself to respond rather than merely react when they arise. Each time you recognize an emotional buildup and engage in tapping, your nervous system learns how to swiftly neutralize intense emotions. This conditioning encourages it to repeat this pattern in the future. With more tapping, you regain a sense of control, reclaim your power, and experience greater calmness day in and day out. You're consistently fostering ease and flow in your life!

There's no area more vital to clear blockages in than your dating life. Romantic relationships often act as mirrors, reflecting our most significant barriers and the substantial mental baggage we've accumulated over time. This is particularly true due to the profound intimacy found in romantic connections. If you're encountering challenges in your dating journey, it's like a bright neon sign pointing you towards some hefty old barriers obstructing the flow of happiness and fulfillment in your life. Once you grasp this concept, you'll start to perceive the seemingly insurmountable and frustrating aspects of your dating life as valuable gifts. They serve as indicators, guiding you toward the aspects you need to address most before you are able to step into a joyful and healthy relationship where you will be cherished, supported, and loved. Viewing dating from this perspective reveals that the very challenges you've faced are the stepping stones to experiencing the profound, lasting love your heart has yearned for all along.

When you look at your dating woes from this perspective, you feel ready to roll up your sleeves, get real quiet, squat down by the stream, and begin clearing those blocks to your flow with tapping.

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